Ten-card Suits by Foxymoron

It is very rare that one picks up a ten-card suit in bridge, 0.0017% according to Wikipedia, but this happened twice recently at the Woodberry. And on both occasions the optimal contract was rarely reached. This was the first of them:

A couple of players opened 2C and reached 7NT. Fortunately they were not playing against Secretary Birds who could have called the director and recited the clause in the Blue Book specifying the minimum standard for a strong 2C opening:

(b) Above 1D at least 16 HCP, or 13 HCP in two suits containing 10+ cards.

I think the right opening bid is 4NT, specific ace-asking, but this should be modified so that partner's response will never take you too high. Partner should always bid his lowest ace, but 5D must be a minor-suit ace, as you should never respond 6C. Another approach is to open 2C and then jump to 4D asking partner to cue an ace if she has one. Nothing is perfect, but on this hand anything sensible should get you to 7D, which your scribe and his partner did not manage. 

A week later, this hand occurred:

Now an opening 2C is permitted, but might not be best. East is sure to bid over it and indeed it is East-West's hand, and poor old North has to save in 6C if EW reach 5D. Quite a good method over 2C is that 3C shows either 6 clubs or short clubs, and this would work well on the East hand. "Walking the dog" is a good strategy for North on this hand.

Both hands had scores all over the shop. This expression seems to originate from The Era in 1862. “We have two men to go in and want eight runs to win, but I think we shall just do it, as ——’s fellows are bowling all over the shop;”

And the answers to the quiz last time. Arshavin was the footballer who scored four times in a Premiership match in 2009 without being on the winning side. Arsenal blew a 4-0 half-time lead against Newcastle and drew 4-4 in 2011.  And the three London derbies to end 4-4 are Arsenal v Spurs and Spurs v Chelsea, both in 2008 and, the tough one, Charlton v West Ham 2001.

4-4 by Foxymoron

The heading was a round in a football quiz I attended in a pub. It concerns the remarkable 16 Premiership games that have ended 4-4. I decided it was too obscure and difficult for the Woodberry Weekend quiz and Shelley concurred. But it did pose some interesting questions. Who was the only person (below) to score 4 goals in a Premiership match and not be on the winning side? Which team led 4-0 at half-time and did not win? Three London derbies (in the Premiership) ended with the score of 4-4. Two are relatively easy, but the third ....? Answers next time ...

What has this got to do with bridge, you may ask? Well, the Stayman convention is used to locate a 4-4 fit after a 1NT opening. I (and some top players) think that it is used far too often and bidding 3NT is usually better.  And it is not always right to respond to Stayman with a 4-card major. My "Bols Tip" is that you should suppress a 4-card major if you have an honour in each of the other suits and are (4333). As in the following hand:

Stefanie Rohan passed the North hand and I opened a 12-14 NT in third seat. Some would pass again on Stefanie's hand but she decided to bid Stayman as that was her only way to invite game. 2NT would have been a transfer to diamonds. I bid 2D, denying a 4-card major on the South hand and raised 2NT to 3NT. I now think that I should pass 2NT, despite having 14 Miltons, as the Kaplan-Rubens evaluation of the hand is only 12.4. Making 2NT+1 would have been 70%. Still, nothing succeeds like success, and with all the heart honours onside 3NT was a cakewalk and this was a joint top. 4H would have been hopeless.

"Nothing succeeds like success" was first put into print by Sir Arthur Helps, in Realmah, 1868: Rien ne réussit comme le succès. And Graham Horscroft included "cakewalk" in his Woodberry Weekend quiz - it gets its name from a 19th Century dance in the USA.

As I write, Arsenal are 4 points clear, but will it be 4 runners-up spots in a row? Always the bridesmaid never the bride. The phrase originated from a Victorian music hall song titled "Why Am I Always A Bridesmaid?" written in 1917.

The whole event was a great success and well run by Shelley Shieff and Nigel Freake and all the results are on the website.

Six of One by Foxymoron

A hand at the Woodberry this week reminded me of the phrase "six of one and half a dozen of the other". For two reasons. One is that it did not matter how the opponents defended. The other reason was because partner had a powerful 6-6 in the majors, and bid it to its full extent. The phrase, meaning that both options are equal, derives from the writings (ramblings?) of the British naval officer Ralph Clark in 1790:

It is impossible to trust any one of our men hardly much more any of the Convicts; in Short there is no difference between Soldier Sailor or Convicts there. Six of the one and half a Dozen of the other —— old Elliock was a man Majr. Ross placed the greatest confidence in and he and Ancott have Repaid the Major for the Confidence he placed in them as all Rascals.

In that case, there was no difference between the military and the convicts. In the hand this week there was no difference between the two potential defences or the two potential contracts:

At our table South opened 1S, and West overcalled 2C, slightly light, but important to get in to the auction. North passed and East bid 3NT.  With his powerful two-suiter, South "three-bet", as they say in poker, with 4H and it did not matter whether North corrected to 4S or not. Both game contracts would have made. North did bid 4S and several Easts doubled, and found there was no defence. Stefanie Rohan and Ken Rolph were one of the beneficiaries of a double, on their way to a convincing and deserved first place.  After all East does have a weak NT and partner has made a vulnerable overcall. And it is six of one and half a dozen of another whether West leads a trump or not. With both majors breaking 3-2 there are but three losers on either defence.

"Nothing I could do about that", commented East at our table. "Well," I responded, "with both majors stopped and a fit for partner you might have bid a natural 4NT". "You weren't getting rich from defending 4S, were you?"

Duck or Grouse by Foxymoron

I once attended a meeting of the London Collectors' Society, which concentrates on coins, notes and comics. One of the attendees had a collection of Duck or Grouse pub signs, some of which I suspect had been stolen. Reports of pubgoers hitting their head on a low beam have increased dramatically since the miscreant built up his collection of over a hundred different specimens.

The following hand was a missed opportunity for a successful duck, and the failure to find it could well have been because declarer had hit his or her head on a low beam. 

South opened a weak 2S and this came round to East who bid 2NT. Minimum but acceptable in view of the intermediates. West raised to 3NT and South led a spade round to East's queen, so this should not have been a problem. East led the jack of diamonds, covered by the queen and king ... But now declarer could no longer make it. The diamonds were blocked and attempts to endplay North or South do not work. If South's queen of diamonds was a singleton, nothing could be done, but as the cards lie, ducking works. South can establish the spades, but declarer makes two spades, five diamonds, the ace of hearts and can lead towards the king of clubs for his ninth trick. This requires the partner of the weak two opener to have the ace of clubs, a reasonable chance.

Going off in 3NT was worth precisely 0 matchpoints, a duck or "duck's egg", a term more commonly used in cricket, and apparently just from the shape of the 0.

The meaning of grouse, to complain, goes back to at least 1885 and is thought to be Army slang, possibly derived from the Old French groucier. North-South were not grousing as this board helped them to win on the night.

 

Careless Talk by Foxymoron

There is a tendency among top players to play that a double of 1NT is not for penalties. The opponents will often run somewhere if one has a weak hand, as will our partner of course. Equally importantly you will be telling the opponents that you have, say, 15+ high-card points. Careless Talk posters from the Second World War are collectors' items and sell for many thousands of pounds on Ebay. An example:

My partner did well to "keep schtum" on the following hand and reaped the benefits:

West opened a weak no-trump and North sensibly kept quiet. If he had doubled, then South would have been most unhappy. He would have been happier if he had a side bet on whether he would have been dealt a perfect Yarborough at the true odds of 1800-1, but otherwise he would have had nowhere to go. If East could redouble as "business" then North-South would be facing -1560.

After North passed, East bid Stayman which was his only way to invite game. West bid 2S and East bid 2NT. West was quite happy to accept and 3NT became the final contract. North led the queen of clubs and declarer can count seven tricks, two clubs, two hearts, two spades and a diamond. Not unreasonably he took two diamond finesses for his contract but the defence was now able to establish five tricks - two clubs, two diamonds and the ace of spades. One down and a top.

Schtum is one of many Yiddish words which have come into English, with several alternative spellings. Another theory is that it is prison slang. The earliest citation of it in print in English is in Frank Norman’s book Bang to Rights: an account of prison life, 1958:

“I think it’s much better to keep shtoom.”

“You can always shtoomup if any screws are earholeing.”

Hoorah Henry by Foxymoron

The penalty of 1100 is sometimes known as a Henry after the seizure of the throne by Henry I in 1100. The above depicts Henry holding the Church of Reading Abbey in a miniature by Matthew Paris, c.1253. I was reminded of Henry on a hand this week from the Woodberry:

I know for sure that at least one West overcalled one of Two Diamonds, Three Diamonds or Four Diamonds. I think the middle one is "just right", as Goldilocks would say. Four Diamonds is too much and can be taken for 1100. At the table where this occurred, North-South were playing penalty doubles at the Four level and North had no difficulty applying the axe. He was too polite to call Hoorah when the hand was over, but West was really the Hoorah Henry (or Henrietta). Perhaps Damon Runyon was thinking of such bids when he wrote, in 1936, "He is without doubt strictly a Hoorah Henry, and he is generally figured as nothing but a lob as far as ever doing anything useful in this world is concerned." But bridge had not yet been invented and it is unclear why the name Henry was chosen. I guess it could have been Hoorah Harvey or Hoorah Harry.

At our table, we missed the chance to collect this penalty, as North did not pass over 4D and chose to double. South bid 4H which ended the auction. The top spot is 3NT which will normally make the same number of tricks, and North chose that when West bid only 3D.

To get a good score in either you need to make 12 tricks. There are various squeezes which can work, and much depends on whether both opponents guard spades or clubs. If West has only bid 3D, then you will probably play him to be 2-1-7-3 or 3-1-7-2 and will have to read the ending. Assume West leads a diamond, you run it round and now draw trumps and then duck a round of spades. They play a second round and you win with the ace and now cash the ace of diamonds throwing a club, come to hand with the king of clubs and run the remaining hearts. On the layout, East gets squeezed in the black suits. If West is also guarding clubs, he will be squeezed out of that guard by the threat of the jack of diamonds in dummy. Playing for clubs 3-3 is an alternative line, but that is putting all your eggs in one basket.

And I nearly forgot. F. Scott Fitzgerald was named after Francis Scott Keys, the composer of the Star Spangled Banner, so that tells you what the F stands for.

Rose-Coloured Glasses by Foxymoron

The above expression first appeared in Thomas Hughes' novel Tom Brown at Oxford in 1859, and was also used more recently in F. Scott Fitzgerald's The Great Gatsby and in John Lennon's song Imagine. As my father-in-law points out, the phrase also featured in Jacques Offenbach’s Opera The Tales of Hoffmann. It indicates an unduly optimistic outlook, and Nigel Freake and your author exhibited that trait when overreaching to Four Spades on the hand below.

After 1NT by South, 12-14, and a transfer of 2H by North, East came in quite soundly with Three Clubs. South tried to show where his values lay with 3H, promising four spades, but a maximum, which seems too pushy. North was also wearing his rose-coloured glasses and bid Four Spades. East began with two top clubs and West discarded a low diamond, clearly showing at least the king, when playing reverse attitude. However, East did not know whether a third club was needed, and continued with the queen of clubs, If West had JTx of spades, for example, it would promote a trump trick. Declarer ruffed with the queen and West overruffed, but that was the end of the defence as declarer now had five spades, four hearts and the ace of diamonds. 

A more testing defence would be to discard on the third club, but declarer can still make. If West discards a heart, declarer can play on trumps finessing the eight on the second round if necessary and can then overtake the second heart. On a diamond discard, declarer plays a spade to the eight and then knocks out the ace of spades. He can later play all the trumps and squeeze West in the red suits. But a more challenging defence.

Clearly a diamond switch at trick three would have beaten the contract fairly easily but did you see how West could have protected his partner? If West had ruffed the SECOND club and led the king of diamonds, declarer would have had no recourse as there would clearly be four losers.

And a final poser. What does the F stand for in F. Scott Fitzgerald?  And what was his full name and who was he named after?