Just a MInute by Foxymoron

The radio programme Just a Minute is a panel game which has been running for nearly 60 years, and was hosted by Nicolas Parsons for most of that time. The object of the game is for panelists to talk for sixty seconds on a given subject, "without hesitation, repetition or deviation". Our table would have breached the rules of that game more than once in a hand this week:

As dealer I had a choice between a conservative 3S and an aggressive 4S. My fellow Welsh International Richard Plackett would have chosen the latter, and he may be right, as he has just won the British Isles Trophy to add to his seasonal collection over the last year.

North might have raised to 4S but decided to pass and East had an awkward bid. There was a bit of a hesitation and after a while he decided to bid 3H, which was a deviation, from the rules of the game, in that spades rank above hearts.

The director was called and advised South of his rights. If he did not accept the bid of 3H, then East would have to make it sufficient, and if the sufficient bid was not a comparable call, his partner would be silenced. East was not allowed to substitute double.

I decided that repetition was the best choice for South, and accepted the 3H bid, and rebid 3S. We had no agreement, of course, but I thought that this would show a good pre-empt and short hearts. North elected to pass again and East now decided to double for takeout. He has already shown his hearts, as the 3H bid is now treated as legal, so he does not need to bid them again. West bid 4C, and all passed. I think North might have ventured Four Spades at one of his three turns to call, but he was quite happy with the repetition of his Pass.

So the full auction was 3S-Pass-Pass-3H-3S-Pass-Pass-Double-Pass-4C-All Pass

We defended it well, North cashing the ace of spades on which South played the three, suit-preference for diamonds. If South had a heart void, then he would should play the ten of spades, suit preference for hearts. Normally the king is just used to show the queen in this position but some would play that it is suit preference - the highest card South can afford. North switched to the queen of diamonds and the defence took three tricks in that suit, but this was below average for NS who can make 11 tricks in spades, and they should have at least got to game!

In the US, you are not allowed agreements subsequent to the opponents' insufficient bids, but in the UK you are. So I suggest:

After 3S-(Pass)-Pass-(3H) I suggest you play:

a) Pass - happy to defend 4H. No desire to go to 4S but happy for partner to go back to 3S

b) Double - takeout with extra shape. Possibly 7-1-(4 1)

c) 3S - good pre-empt, short hearts, happy for partner to raise.

d) 3NT - solid spades and nothing outside. Maybe AKQJxxx xx xx xx

e) Not accepting the insufficient bid which is corrected to 4H. Now

e1) Pass - does not want partner to bid 4S. 

e2) Double - action. Partner passes or bids 4S

e3) 4S - walking the dog. What you should have opened all along. Best to have a short hesitation before the bid, with a feigned expression of discomfort.

Of course only Charlie the Chimp (a Doctor of Deviation)  knows how to get the best from this situation. 

Felo de Se by Foxymoron

When there was a death by suicide in the middle ages, it was classed as a felo de se, and the assumption was that it must have been a mental illness. The Interments (felo de se) Act 1882 allowed any person committing "criminal suicide" to be buried at any hour with the usual rites and removed some of the stigma from the suicide. Previously he or she had to be buried "silently" between 9 pm and midnight.

In bridge, the phrase was used by Victor Mollo in his menagerie series, for a suicide squeeze, in which one of the defenders cashes winners and squeezes his partner. The Hideous Hog always took great pleasure in forcing Papa and his partner to conduct a suicide squeeze. Such was the case on a hand at the Woodberry this week. In a slightly different way:

After the uncontested auction 1NT-2C-2D-3NT, East quite naturally led a fourth-best diamond. Declarer, Mike Bull, tried the jack from dummy, and ducked West's queen, but then won the second round with the ace, East playing the two. There are two possible lines. One is to play for spades 3-3 which will give 9 tricks, but it probably won't cost to cross to dummy with a spade and exit with a third round of diamonds. East wins, and can cash two more rounds of diamonds, on which West can pitch a heart and a spade, but then two more rounds of spades by declarer squeezes West in the rounded suits. Alternatively, East can switch to a spade without cashing the last diamond, but declarer can now make by cashing three rounds of spades, forcing a heart or club discard from West, and then setting up the long heart or club.

What is the best line? I think against most players you cash two rounds of spades, ending in South. Often one or both of the defenders will give count, and you can plan your play accordingly. But it will only be wrong to exit with a diamond if they are 6-2.

Walking the Dog by Foxymoron

The expression "walking the dog" in bridge refers to the tactic of bidding less than a hand is worth but then adding one level each time the bidding comes round again. The hope is that the opponents will eventually double. The meaning "to trick the opponent" possibly comes from Gershwin's 1937 song Walking the Dog in the film Shall We Dance. Alternatively the words of Walking the Dog, the 1963 song by Rufus Thomas, could have created the meaning of deception.

Urban slang uses "walking the dog" as committing adultery, another deception, and it has also become used to mean visiting the bathroom. The Americans are fond of euphemisms and "going to see a man about a dog" is another of their contorted phrases for going to the bathroom. The song Walking the Dog is very American:

I asked her mother for fifteen cents

See the elephant jump the fence

He jumped so high, he touched the skies

Never got back till the fourth of July

Steve Coulter attempted to walk the dog on Tuesday, and he ended with a good result, but his opponents might have done better:

North opened a weak 2S and South decided to "go slowly" and passed. West bid 3D as 4D would have shown 5-5 in the red suits and 5D ruled out playing other contracts. East bid 3H and South again walked the dog with 3S. West now showed his heart support with 4H which went round to South who finally bid 4S.  West smelled a rat and bid 5D. This expression seems to come from English poet John Skelton's 1540 poem "The Image of Ipocrysy": 

But then beware the catte; For yf they smell a ratt, 

They grisely chide and chatt

5D should have ended the auction. If West had wanted to offer a "choice of red-suit saves", he would have bid 4NT but East "corrected" (or should that be "wronged") to 5H anyway. So the full auction was:

                       North        East        South        West

                        2S            Pass        Pass           3D

                        Pass         3H           3S             4H

                        Pass         Pass         4S             5D

                        Pass         5H           All Pass

South led his singleton diamond and declarer won with the ace and played a top heart. South ducked this, and North won to give his partner a diamond ruff for one off. Remarkably, eschewing the diamond ruff and playing a spade instead would have beaten the contract by two, but this was very hard to find and could have been completely wrong.

5D would probably have made. North needs to lead the king of hearts, in a suit bid and supported by the opponents, to beat this. Frequently found online during Covid in the days of self-kibitzing, but not since ... As it was, 5H-1 was still worth 68% to North-South. The results this week were skewed with five pairs above 60% but no pair below 40%. It was good to see 13 tables as well.

Math by Foxymoron

The Americans correctly shorten mathematics to "math", whereas the Brits and Australians use "maths". We are wrong of course as it is a collective noun, like sugar. We ask "How many sugars?" as short for "how many teaspoons of sugar?" but we would never ask at a supermarket "Where are the sugars, please?"

I have been asked how important math(s) is in bridge. Quite a bit, and discussions of the right percentage line is a common feature of bridge magazines. There is a book on Card Combinations, which shows the percentage chance of making x tricks with a particular suit holding. Most of the time, however, the whole hand comes into play as in a hand at the Woodberry last week.

Most played Four Hearts by East and only one made 11 tricks. The bidding always began 1H-(Pass) and now West will probably bid 2NT, a game-forcing heart raise, or a splinter of 4C, also showing four-card heart support. North-South should sacrifice in 5C but none did. Two were even allowed to play the hand in 4C, which made on the nose. This expression might well have originated in the early days of radio broadcasting. The presenter putting his forefinger "on the nose" indicated that the broadcast was running on time. I certainly would not broadcast that I had given in to 4C here, and the decision comes for EW over 5C.

If East goes on to 5H, there is a chance for South to shine. It may be necessary to keep the lead, and the king of clubs does so. Then the defence might well find the diamond shift needed to break the contract.  However, a small club is a more likely lead, and North can do little other than play one back, which is ruffed in dummy. Two rounds draw all the trumps. How should East play?

I think the percentage line is to run the ten of spades. North wins and cannot do other than play a third club, ruffed in dummy while East pitches a diamond. Now declarer could return to hand and take a second spade finesse. This is about a 75% line, winning whenever South has one of the spade honours. However, declarer can do better. Laying down the ace of spades is the right line. If both opponents follow you ruff a spade and if someone still has the king, you then take the diamond finesse. 

The math of the right line is as follows (ignoring the fact that North has two hearts to South's one or that North may have longer clubs).

a) if South has the jack of spades: 50%.

b) if the spades are 3-3 or the king is doubleton. This is all the 3-3 breaks, 36%, plus 12% for a doubleton king, a total of 48%. This only applies when North has the jack of spades, so adds 24% to our success rate.

c) Finally if North has the jack of spades and the spades are 4-2 with the king in the long hand, then you take the diamond finesse. This allows you to make an additional (100-50%-24%) x 50% of the time. This adds 13% to the chance of success, elevating it to 87%.

Some of these figures will be affected by available spaces calculations, another example of math in bridge hands. The king of diamonds is more likely to be in South, as is the king of spades, but if North showed strength that will tilt it the other way. But it is clear that the declarers in 4H misplayed the hand, unless they were unlucky enough to get the king of clubs lead and a diamond switch (or an unlikely initial diamond lead). Also one or two Welsh internationals misplayed the hand when given to them as a play problem.

Undercooked by Foxymoron

Bridge shares with other sport the use of the word "undercooked" in a figurative rather than a culinary sense. From a cricket report many years ago: "An undercooked pitch made stroke play easy yet seldom did wickets tumble." Not properly developed is the metaphorical meaning and this was the case with our auction this week.

The North hand is far too good for 2NT, weighing in at 23.6 on the K-R evaluation tool. We bid 2C-2D-2NT which we play as 23-24 balanced. Now Graham Horscroft raised to 4NT. From his point of view we could be missing two aces, but the five-card suit might tilt him towards just bidding slam. However, his K-R is 8.7 so I think his judgement is correct. And now the focus was on North. I think I should upgrade again and bid 6NT but I had already added two points and decided to pass. Together we had undercooked the hand.

6NT is a great contract. If the diamonds are 3-2, you have 12 top tricks and thirteen if they don't lead a spade. And when they don't break you can lead towards the king of spades for your twelfth trick. You can, in theory, also pick up the diamonds if you finesse on the second round, but you should not. A cunning West might have dropped the jack from JTx when you get egg on your face. This phrase apparently arises from the 19th century theatre when sub-par actors were sometimes pelted with eggs. Our auction was certainly sub-par.

Double Fit by Foxymoron

The wildest hands usually occur when both sides have a double fit. It will usually be right to bid one more, but one has to be careful at matchpoints that one does not take this too far. On the following hand, from the most recent game, the top spot was achieved by those that went to the six level:

Six declarers played in doubled contracts, and the top score for EW was when the declarer was allowed to make 6Hx for +1660. This can be defeated by an initial lead of a spade from North or the ace of spades from South, but that is not easy to find. I was pleased to see the score of 1660, a "Restoration" after the return of Charles II in that year. John Wilmot, Earl of Rochester, wrote of him:

Restless he rolls from whore to whore
A merry monarch, scandalous and poor

I don't think merriness was the cause of these big swings. More misjudgement. With a double fit, each side should be bidding one more and 7Dx-3 by NS is par.  EW have a double fit in the majors and NS in the minors. One or two NS pairs bought the contract at the six level in a minor, and EW have to find the diamond ruff or club ruff to get even 500 from this. 200 was the common result.

It is interesting to apply the "Law of Total Tricks" to this hand. That says that the total number of tricks for EW and NS in their longest suits should be 11+11 which is 22. Indeed EW can make 12 but only in spades and NS can make 10 by North in either minor. It is a good approximation but is often one out, particularly if the defence can take a ruff.

Some members had the following puzzle on a Xmas card (and also on Facebook):

I know many solved it. You need to find East with SK HT987 D9876 C9876. Precisely. Win the ace of spades, dropping the king, and cash the queen of spades. East is squeezed in three suits and gets squeezed again in the suit which he unguards.

Let us hope there are more double fits when the club reopens on 7th January.

Leading Question by Foxymoron

A leading question is more frequently met in court, and we have heard "Objection" and "Overruled" in many a televised court case. I remember when I was buying my house asking if there was any leading in the roof. I thought that was a leading question but the solicitor did not. "Leading", like "sewer" and "wound" and many others, is a heteronym.

How do you play a double of 3NT? Well the first requirement is that you don't think they are going to make it. If the cards lie badly for declarer, then others may be there and doubling for one off, particularly when they are vulnerable, can be lucrative. 

A common way to play a double of 3NT is to ask for the lead of the first suit bid by dummy. But this is not a command, and you need to consider the whole hand. The above was an interesting example. Anne Catchpole and Keith Bush (East) bid Pass-1C-1D-1S-2D-2NT-3NT. As both 2D and 2NT were non-forcing I now doubled this as North, quite happy with a diamond lead. South led the six of diamonds and now declarer can make by rising and playing a spade. But he ducked and I won as North and continued diamonds and declarer ducked again in dummy. I needed to switch to a heart at both trick two and three, but this could have been wrong if declarer had KTx. Continuing diamonds would work when partner had the ace of hearts, king of spades or a club trick. Declarer won the third diamond and played a fourth and there was no defence. I won and played a heart, but that just cost the ovetrick and was +950 for East-West, which all Welsh people know was the split of Wales into three parts after the death of Hywel Dda in 950. It was not a "dda" score for North-South,.

The question is whether South should have led a heart. I thought so, as you know declarer will make five or six clubs and he has a heart stop. If he has AQ of hearts he may well be making anyway. But I cannot really fault the diamond lead.

And the answer to "Threat perhaps perceived by Alice (6,3)" was MAD HATTER. The anagram indicator is in the solution and it is also "and lit"."