The Albatross by Foxymoron

Often, to amuse themselves, the men of a crew

Catch albatrosses, those vast sea birds

That indolently follow a ship

As it glides over the deep, briny sea.

Three under par in golf is known as an Albatross. The expression seems to go back to 1929, in a match between Durham and Hartlepool. "One certainly didn’t hear of any ‘albatrosses’ or even ‘eagles’ but certainly some ‘birdies’ were achieved." was the report. Of course, in bridge, -3 is not usually a good score (unless a save at favourable vulnerability), and is well below par. 

My result on this hand was an "albatross around my neck", an expression that stems from The Rime of the Ancient Mariner, and prevented Stefanie and me from doing better in the recent SIMs. It was close to a nationwide bottom, but I had no regrets.

We reached 4S by North after the auction (Pass)-Pass-(1H)-1S-(2H)-2S-(Pass)-4S-(All Pass). East led his singleton diamond and I had to decide on the play. The opening bid by West strongly suggested to me that he had the king of spades and a losing spade finesse would surely lead to a diamond ruff. I decided to play ace and another spade but East won, played a heart to the ace and had a diamond ruff anyway so I only made 10 tricks. Of course, taking the spade finesse would have made all 13 tricks, six diamonds, six spades and an ace. My result was therefore "three under par", an Albatross, and the seven pairs that notched up +510 were no doubt mocking me.

The Offside King by Foxymoron

 An interesting quiz question is "who was known as the offside king?" Clearly it relates to football and the answer is Sergio Aguero, the prolific Manchester City striker.  He was offside the most times in the Premiership - around half the time he was in the opposing box. That was good value for his team, of course, as in the other half of the time he scored, as in the famous goal at the end of the 2012 season. AGUERRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ...

The chances of a king being offside in bridge is about 50%. Jill Shortman had some "king-guessing" to do on the following hand from the Woodberry duplicate:

Roly and Jill reached a reasonable 6H by West after the start 1S-2H and North, your scribe, found the most testing lead of a diamond to the queen and ace. Without the diamond lead, you would cash the ace of hearts and then take the spade finesse after giving up a heart. 

I would lead the queen of hearts from West against most players, and if North does not cover, I would rise. As Zia famously says in his new book, "If they don't cover, they don't have it." Of course, North should reason that his partner does not have Tx in hearts, and not cover from Kx, but people don't. 

The correct technical line is the one Jill chose. To take the heart finesse. Two down was the result and virtue had to be its own reward. Someone with far more classical knowledge than I corrected me when I claimed this expression derived from Cicero, whereas it appears in works by the poet Ovid.

l'appel du vide by Foxymoron

The heading translates as "the call of the void" which is an unfortunate phenomenon, known in psychology as autokabelesis.  It causes people, usually young males, to jump off a high structure. Archway Bridge in North London sees examples of this, and was the subject of a tasteless prank hoarding a few years ago, which caused at least one reader of Private Eye to extend his subscription ...

In bridge, when responding to RKCB, one has to decide what call to make with a void and whether to jump. Fortunately the stakes are not as high, but a missed grand can be the result of a misunderstanding. One method, discussed on Bridgewinners is: 

For an odd number of key cards and a void, you jump to 6 of your void if the void is in a suit below the trump suit, or 6 of the trump suit if the void is in a higher ranking suit.

The chances of partner having read the same post from some years ago are minimal, however. I think the right method is to jump to a level higher with a void. but never to bid above the trump suit at the six level.

The following hand proved beyond our methods, but we still emerged with an unexpected top.

We bid, uncontested, 1S-2C-3S-4D*-4H*-4NT*-5S*-6S. I think the fitting queen of clubs merits an upgrade to 3S after a 2-level response. 4NT was keycard for spades, and we had no agreement on how to show two key cards plus the queen of spades plus a void. I think that 6S is probably the call, but would it be interpreted correctly? And if South had hearts, then 6S would not be a wise choice as that would commit the partnership to 7H. The answer, of course, is to play kickback and minorwood, but that is a lot more work for occasional partnerships.

I am not sure why others could not bid a small slam. A phrase in Genesis Rabbah comes to mind: בשוק סמייא צווחין לעווירא סגי נהור, meaning "In the street of the blind, the one-eyed man is called the guiding light" and this predates the Erasmus quote I used some weeks ago by a millennium.