Short and Sweet by Foxymoron

The first known use of the expression 'short and sweet' was in Richard Taverner's Proverbs and Adages in 1539 and it appeared in Shakespeare's As You Like It.  When we play in the fourth Tuesday competition at the Woodberry, we should try to avoid long auctions, as the partnerships are irregular. "Better short and sweet than long and lax", wrote James Kelly in Scottish Proverbs.

Maybe I took this advice a bit too far this week when I selected the final contract at my first turn to call, but I landed on my feet:

My partner, the retired maths teacher Roly Harris, opened 1D and West overcalled 3H. I teased the gathering in the pub that I had now bid 5H, exclusion Blackwood, on the North hand, and they believed me. I would not risk that on a fourth Tuesday, however, and I made a practical choice of Six Spades. Partner rates to have at least one spade, and you will probably lose a spade. If there is a diamond loser then 7D won't make either. My partner passed, as you might expect, and I was pleased to see that nobody bid the Grand Slam in diamonds.

5H was probably the right bid. It asks partner to show how many key cards he has outside hearts. And one can play 3041 or 4130 over this by agreement. Of course, if you have agreed which with an irregular partner on a fourth Tuesday you will be told to "get a life".  And if East bids 6H or doubles, then you need to have an agreement. DOPI and ROPI are standard, so that double shows no key cards, pass shows 1, and South would bid 6NT over 6H on his actual hand, showing two plus the queen of trumps, giving North an easy 7D. 

I was quite happy with my 19/20 for selecting the final contract of 6S, and the opponents were gnashing and wailing when the trumps were 3-3.

Oh, and my cat Ebony informs me that "landed on one's feet" refers to the ability of cats to do so when jumping from a height.

Thick and Thin by Foxymoron

The phrase (through) "thick and thin" comes from Old English, and was originally "through thicket and thin wood", meaning to cope with difficulties and to enjoy easier periods. The earliest known reference is from Chaucer's The Reeve's Tale

And whan the hors was laus, he gynneth gon

Toward the fen, ther wilde mares renne,

And forth with “wehee,” thurgh thikke and thurgh thenne.

In some usage, thick and thin are antonyms. But not in bridge. Thick in bridge is not a compliment, and indicates that you have done something stupid. As in Henry IV, Part 2:

Hang him baboon, his wit’s as thicke as Tewksbury mustard.

I was certainly thick, and felt like a baboon, in last week's duplicate when I only made seven tricks on the following hand in 1NT as North:

East led a normal spade, and West played the king, and I played the jack, the card I was planning to play on the next round ... Not really a mispull, just thick. Now the defence cashed five rounds of spades, and could have beaten me two tricks if they had switched to a club, but +90 was hardly any match points anyway.

Thin in bridge is not the opposite of thick, but refers to a contract, usually slam or game, that has a very low chance of success. Such was the case with the following hand.

We bid 1H-(2C)-3C*-(4C)-6H-All Pass. Three Clubs was a good raise. My partner was a bit unlucky that my ace of clubs was of no value and that there was a trump loser. But was there? West led the ace of diamonds, and another diamond. South won and now effectively gave up by cashing the ace of hearts. However, as the chess grandmaster Savielly Tartakower said, "No game is won by resigning".  A singleton king of trumps is about as much use as a chocolate teapot, an expression which appears to be mid-20th century.

Declarer should have crossed to dummy with a spade, and run the queen of hearts. East can cover, but you cross again in spades and run the eight of hearts to bring home your thin slam. This was the only chance and mirabile dictu it would have worked.

How thin is the slam? Quite easy to calculate as the chance of East having three hearts and West one is about 25%, and you need a singleton jack with West, which occurs one quarter of that time. So, about 6.25%. How thick was my partner? I will leave you to judge!