Piss-poor by Foxymoron

The Woodberry B team has been promoted in the Lockdown League to Division 4. The octet of Paul Lamford, Stefanie Rohan, Ken Barnett, Chantal Girardin, Gary Diamond, Paul Thornton, Gerry Weston and Paul Huggins gained promotion comfortably in the end. They had a record score of 62-0 in their penultimate match when the opponents' play was described by one kibitzer as "piss-poor". The same phrase was used today about the defence at one table, but this did not stop us from winning by 24 IMPs and cementing our promotion spot

Piss-poor is a very old word and not obscene in any way. They used to use urine to tan animal skins, so families used to all pee in a pot and then once a day it was taken and sold to the tanner. if you had to do this to survive you were ‘piss-poor’. But worse than that were the really poor folk who couldn’t even afford to buy a pot they “didn’t have a pot to piss in” and were the lowest of the low.

I must confess to using the expression "piss-poor" when discussing the EW defence on this board:

The normal opening lead here is AC, followed by a heart switch for 800, but Gary led a diamond. Luckily that did not cost and he won the first spade with the ace and cashed the ace and king of clubs. Still no harm done. Now however he cashed another top club, setting up two winners for South. It would still have been two off if he had exited with a minor but he now switched, belatedly, to a heart. Fortunately East's ace was the defence's fifth trick so this was Diamond-proof on Mohs degree of hardness of letting through the contract. Impossible, but still 12 away against the 800 in the other room when Ken decided he was worth a second bite at the cherry at the four level.

Fortunately the opponents had a piss-poor auction to 4H on the following board:

In the other room, North just raised the 2H rebid to 4H but we had a better auction, which began 1H-2D-2H-3C-3H-3S. I would have cued 4C over 3S on the South hand, but I had enough to move on the North hand anyway. 5D showed 0-3 key cards and South obviously bids slam over 5H as he has three. I think a good method is to bid 5NT now to show the queen of trumps and nothing else. If I had AKQxx diamonds I might then bid grand, but there were too many imponderables to do so on the actual auction. Still 6H+1 was 13 in, as the diamonds came in for four tricks on any reasonable line.

So, division 4 here we come, and a meeting with Woodberry A next season.

 

Trash Nothing by Foxymoron

 The expression Trash Nothing, sometimes called Freecycle, has come to the fore during Lockdown. People give away their unwanted items, of little value to them, to deserving recipients. That cat carrier which you have in the loft even though your last cat passed away 15 years ago is a typical example. One can drop off these items at selected venues and they are collected by needy people.

The first thing that Stefanie and Bill agreed today was to play a Trash Multi. This means that the hand has little value and partner knows that you have minus one defensive tricks. He should not ever bother asking for keycards as you rarely have any! If the opponents bid game, they are probably making it, and you should save even at love all.

North's 2D has all the essential ingredients of the trash multi. No defensive trick in sight. Reasonable shape in that 6-4-1-2 is good. One should say that the agreement is 1-7 HCP as one would do it as well with JT9xxx in spades. In third seat it can be varied, but here it should comply. I would have bid something on East's hand, as South might pass out the trash multi with some diamonds, but 5C on the second round looks fine. Bill did well to save in 5S and it was almost impossible for EW to bid their cold slam. NS won this board, but EW came back in others and managed to tie first on 60% in a good contest.

If East does punt 6C he should make it. Even on the best defence of the ace of spades and a heart switch. Declarer can rise with the ace and run all of the trumps. South gets squeezed in the red suits in the three card ending. Phil Mattacks even made an overtrick in 6C as East when South did not cash the ace of spades, as the squeeze generated two extra tricks because of the extended menaces in dummy's red suits.

Breaking Up by Foxymoron

 A famous Abba Song has the lines:

We just have to face it

This time we're through

Breaking up is never easy, I know…

The reader might think that refers to East-West's partnership on the hand below, but nothing could be further from the truth, as Vampyr found a nice endplay for a top on this board:

West decided that she didn't want to double and risk the ox opposite getting his hands on the dummy in Four Spades. And how right she was! 4S is clearly making, losing two clubs and a trump, and it seems that 3NT has only nine tricks. However, the defence was difficult. Jim, North, led the ten of hearts and dummy's jack won. Now declarer lost the spade finesse and the spotlight focused on North. He needed to switch to a club at this point to break up the impending endplay on South, but, as the Swedish group sang, "breaking up is never easy".

North continued hearts and Stefanie won, cashed all her spade, heart and diamond winners, and now threw South in with the fourth round of diamonds to lead into the king of clubs for a deserved tenth trick and a top.

 

Master dentist at work by Gerry Weston

My partner, Paul Thornton, and I were watching our Woodberry B teammates in a EBU lockdown league match (now sadly back in Division 5 and overtaken by Woodberry C team!)

Paul Lamford is declarer in 3NT and this looked straightforward: (In the other room the bidding was the same but North didn’t bid 3N so 3H made +2)

 

Lead 2S taken by the A, and Q diamonds returned (naturally West didn’t want to allow declarer to finesse JS)

 

With clubs and hearts breaking well and the favourable spade position looked to us like 1 or 2 overtricks

The plan seemed to be to make one or two long club tricks and a heart if clubs break 4:2. Normally with that layout of clubs one can duck a club then play off 2 rounds; If don’t break then can establish extra trick with entry with AH or KD

 

So the first surprise is that Paul ran the diamond round to dummy’s K and led AC. What is he doing!? Assume he may be relying instead on heart break and finesse of TD.

He entered hand with KH and led his club, East played Q and Paul let it win. East now faced a difficult led and led a diamond to J and A. OK, Paul now has 8 tricks so surely will duck a heart!

But no; 2^nd surprise. He cashed TD then over to AH and led out the clubs; making contract via 4 club tricks, 3 diamonds and 2 hearts.

 

It seemed a bit lucky and, puzzled, we asked him afterwards what was going on: (If it were anyone else we’d assume he’d mis-clicked)

Since spades were bid and supported he placed West with 5 spades and East 3. Once all followed to TD he knew that East could have at most 7 cards in clubs and hearts. If 3 clubs then his line gives 9 tricks (as it did with the actual layout); If 3 hearts and 4 clubs then he throws East in with 3^rd heart; East makes a club but then has to lead spade into KJ.

 

But one asks, what happens if East has only 2 diamonds with 4 hearts and 4 clubs? But that is where the beauty of this play lies as East has to throw a spade on the diamond (a dentist coup apparently) and then declarer plays off KS (a further dentist coup extracting East’s last spade). Then declarer would play A and another heart and after making 2 heart tricks East would have to lead away from his club honour allowing declarer 2 further club tricks and the contract, via 3 diamonds,,2 hearts and 4 club tricks. Brilliant!

 

A Curious Incident

 "What would you bid on this hand, Watson?" asked Holmes. "The auction begins (1C)-Pass-(Pass)-Dble-(2C)-2S-(Pass) to you. and you have the North hand below."

"I guess I would raise", replied Watson. "You have five-card support and a singleton which is more than you promised with your initial double."

Watson continued: "Is there any other point to which you would wish to draw my attention?
Holmes: "To the curious incident of South's One Spade overcall."
Watson; "But South did not overcall One Spade. He passed."
Holmes: "That was the curious incident."

So, if South had any more than the hand above, he would have overcalled One Spade, and you should pass 2S rather than invite. Strengthen the North hand slightly, making the king of diamonds the ace, and you are worth an invite. East will compete to 3C for sure, but then you might buy it in 3S on the next round.

The defence needed to be accurate. West led the jack of clubs and East played the two on this trick. Good pairs have an agreement that when a singleton appears in dummy in a suit contract, the third hand to play gives suit preference, a small card for the lower suit and a high card for the higher suit. If East had the king of hearts and not the ace of diamonds, he would play the seven of clubs on this trick, preference for hearts. East's two of clubs was preference for diamonds and the switch to the jack of diamonds defeated the contract for a good board for East-West.

False Declaration

 In some areas making a false declaration can be punishable by a fine or worse, but in bridge, the declarer is at liberty to false-card as much as she wants. Jill Shortman found a brilliant false-card on the hand below which worked a treat.

North's 1NT was 12-14 and I was looking forward to a hefty penalty when I saw dummy, having led the ace of spades. We play that this asks partner for reverse attitude, so she will encourage with the queen. West dutifully played the five and Jill followed cunningly with the eight.  I paused for thought. From which holdings would partner play the five?

Well, the one she had, 54 doubleton, but she would also do so from 543, J543, Q5, J54, J53 and J5. From QJ5, she would play the queen, so we can rule that out. It seemed to me that the odds were heavily in favour of continuing spades and I cashed the king, as Q8 doubleton with declarer was certainly possible. There was no longer any defence, and declarer emerged with an overtrick when we managed to crash two of our diamond honours. -380 did not trouble the scorers.

I think it is pretty tough for East to switch to a club, which I need to do to beat the contract (although I could cash the ace of diamonds first, but that would be silly). If North plays the three of spades instead it is all plain sailing. Partner cannot have 854, J843 or J85 as she would play the eight. She can still have Q5 doubleton of course, as well as 54 doubleton or Q85. But only the last of these is it right to continue the suit and I might well find the club switch.