Carelessness by Foxymoron

Oscar (Wilde, not the Owl) might have said that to go off in one slam may be regarded as a misfortune, but to go off in two looks like carelessness. But this was not the case on Tuesday, despite the declarer's claim that his brain was not working. In one of the two slams he correctly played for a 2-2 break in trumps with nine trumps missing the queen. But on this occasion one of the opponents had Qxx. 

The other hand was particularly unlucky:

I am impressed with the new design on Bridgewebs, above, which is very attractive. North-South reached 6NT at one table by North, which is a bit pushy with a combined count of only 28 points. After a club lead won by North, however, declarer can make. He should cash a top heart, playing for his normal best chance of the queen dropping doubleton. East plays the queen, perforce. A Woman of No Importance, one might think, but not so. Now crossing to the ace of clubs and leading the nine of hearts is the right line. West should duck, of course, but if declarer thinks East is not capable of false-carding from ❤️QT doubleton he should run it. It only remains to guess the spades, and declarer will make one spade, five hearts, two diamonds and four clubs, using the ace of diamonds as an entry for the hearts.

Unluckily, at declarer's table, East fished out the nine of diamonds for his opening lead. The effect of this was deadly, as whichever hand declarer wins in, the contract can no longer be made. If he wins in North, cashes the ace of hearts, crosses to the ace of clubs and leads the nine of hearts, West ducks and declarer can get to dummy with the ace of diamonds for the winning hearts, but then cannot make a spade trick without losing a trick to the jack of diamonds.  

Ten-card Suits by Foxymoron

It is very rare that one picks up a ten-card suit in bridge, 0.0017% according to Wikipedia, but this happened twice recently at the Woodberry. And on both occasions the optimal contract was rarely reached. This was the first of them:

A couple of players opened 2C and reached 7NT. Fortunately they were not playing against Secretary Birds who could have called the director and recited the clause in the Blue Book specifying the minimum standard for a strong 2C opening:

(b) Above 1D at least 16 HCP, or 13 HCP in two suits containing 10+ cards.

I think the right opening bid is 4NT, specific ace-asking, but this should be modified so that partner's response will never take you too high. Partner should always bid his lowest ace, but 5D must be a minor-suit ace, as you should never respond 6C. Another approach is to open 2C and then jump to 4D asking partner to cue an ace if she has one. Nothing is perfect, but on this hand anything sensible should get you to 7D, which your scribe and his partner did not manage. 

A week later, this hand occurred:

Now an opening 2C is permitted, but might not be best. East is sure to bid over it and indeed it is East-West's hand, and poor old North has to save in 6C if EW reach 5D. Quite a good method over 2C is that 3C shows either 6 clubs or short clubs, and this would work well on the East hand. "Walking the dog" is a good strategy for North on this hand.

Both hands had scores all over the shop. This expression seems to originate from The Era in 1862. “We have two men to go in and want eight runs to win, but I think we shall just do it, as ——’s fellows are bowling all over the shop;”

And the answers to the quiz last time. Arshavin was the footballer who scored four times in a Premiership match in 2009 without being on the winning side. Arsenal blew a 4-0 half-time lead against Newcastle and drew 4-4 in 2011.  And the three London derbies to end 4-4 are Arsenal v Spurs and Spurs v Chelsea, both in 2008 and, the tough one, Charlton v West Ham 2001.

4-4 by Foxymoron

The heading was a round in a football quiz I attended in a pub. It concerns the remarkable 16 Premiership games that have ended 4-4. I decided it was too obscure and difficult for the Woodberry Weekend quiz and Shelley concurred. But it did pose some interesting questions. Who was the only person (below) to score 4 goals in a Premiership match and not be on the winning side? Which team led 4-0 at half-time and did not win? Three London derbies (in the Premiership) ended with the score of 4-4. Two are relatively easy, but the third ....? Answers next time ...

What has this got to do with bridge, you may ask? Well, the Stayman convention is used to locate a 4-4 fit after a 1NT opening. I (and some top players) think that it is used far too often and bidding 3NT is usually better.  And it is not always right to respond to Stayman with a 4-card major. My "Bols Tip" is that you should suppress a 4-card major if you have an honour in each of the other suits and are (4333). As in the following hand:

Stefanie Rohan passed the North hand and I opened a 12-14 NT in third seat. Some would pass again on Stefanie's hand but she decided to bid Stayman as that was her only way to invite game. 2NT would have been a transfer to diamonds. I bid 2D, denying a 4-card major on the South hand and raised 2NT to 3NT. I now think that I should pass 2NT, despite having 14 Miltons, as the Kaplan-Rubens evaluation of the hand is only 12.4. Making 2NT+1 would have been 70%. Still, nothing succeeds like success, and with all the heart honours onside 3NT was a cakewalk and this was a joint top. 4H would have been hopeless.

"Nothing succeeds like success" was first put into print by Sir Arthur Helps, in Realmah, 1868: Rien ne réussit comme le succès. And Graham Horscroft included "cakewalk" in his Woodberry Weekend quiz - it gets its name from a 19th Century dance in the USA.

As I write, Arsenal are 4 points clear, but will it be 4 runners-up spots in a row? Always the bridesmaid never the bride. The phrase originated from a Victorian music hall song titled "Why Am I Always A Bridesmaid?" written in 1917.

The whole event was a great success and well run by Shelley Shieff and Nigel Freake and all the results are on the website.

Six of One by Foxymoron

A hand at the Woodberry this week reminded me of the phrase "six of one and half a dozen of the other". For two reasons. One is that it did not matter how the opponents defended. The other reason was because partner had a powerful 6-6 in the majors, and bid it to its full extent. The phrase, meaning that both options are equal, derives from the writings (ramblings?) of the British naval officer Ralph Clark in 1790:

It is impossible to trust any one of our men hardly much more any of the Convicts; in Short there is no difference between Soldier Sailor or Convicts there. Six of the one and half a Dozen of the other —— old Elliock was a man Majr. Ross placed the greatest confidence in and he and Ancott have Repaid the Major for the Confidence he placed in them as all Rascals.

In that case, there was no difference between the military and the convicts. In the hand this week there was no difference between the two potential defences or the two potential contracts:

At our table South opened 1S, and West overcalled 2C, slightly light, but important to get in to the auction. North passed and East bid 3NT.  With his powerful two-suiter, South "three-bet", as they say in poker, with 4H and it did not matter whether North corrected to 4S or not. Both game contracts would have made. North did bid 4S and several Easts doubled, and found there was no defence. Stefanie Rohan and Ken Rolph were one of the beneficiaries of a double, on their way to a convincing and deserved first place.  After all East does have a weak NT and partner has made a vulnerable overcall. And it is six of one and half a dozen of another whether West leads a trump or not. With both majors breaking 3-2 there are but three losers on either defence.

"Nothing I could do about that", commented East at our table. "Well," I responded, "with both majors stopped and a fit for partner you might have bid a natural 4NT". "You weren't getting rich from defending 4S, were you?"

Duck or Grouse by Foxymoron

I once attended a meeting of the London Collectors' Society, which concentrates on coins, notes and comics. One of the attendees had a collection of Duck or Grouse pub signs, some of which I suspect had been stolen. Reports of pubgoers hitting their head on a low beam have increased dramatically since the miscreant built up his collection of over a hundred different specimens.

The following hand was a missed opportunity for a successful duck, and the failure to find it could well have been because declarer had hit his or her head on a low beam. 

South opened a weak 2S and this came round to East who bid 2NT. Minimum but acceptable in view of the intermediates. West raised to 3NT and South led a spade round to East's queen, so this should not have been a problem. East led the jack of diamonds, covered by the queen and king ... But now declarer could no longer make it. The diamonds were blocked and attempts to endplay North or South do not work. If South's queen of diamonds was a singleton, nothing could be done, but as the cards lie, ducking works. South can establish the spades, but declarer makes two spades, five diamonds, the ace of hearts and can lead towards the king of clubs for his ninth trick. This requires the partner of the weak two opener to have the ace of clubs, a reasonable chance.

Going off in 3NT was worth precisely 0 matchpoints, a duck or "duck's egg", a term more commonly used in cricket, and apparently just from the shape of the 0.

The meaning of grouse, to complain, goes back to at least 1885 and is thought to be Army slang, possibly derived from the Old French groucier. North-South were not grousing as this board helped them to win on the night.

 

Careless Talk by Foxymoron

There is a tendency among top players to play that a double of 1NT is not for penalties. The opponents will often run somewhere if one has a weak hand, as will our partner of course. Equally importantly you will be telling the opponents that you have, say, 15+ high-card points. Careless Talk posters from the Second World War are collectors' items and sell for many thousands of pounds on Ebay. An example:

My partner did well to "keep schtum" on the following hand and reaped the benefits:

West opened a weak no-trump and North sensibly kept quiet. If he had doubled, then South would have been most unhappy. He would have been happier if he had a side bet on whether he would have been dealt a perfect Yarborough at the true odds of 1800-1, but otherwise he would have had nowhere to go. If East could redouble as "business" then North-South would be facing -1560.

After North passed, East bid Stayman which was his only way to invite game. West bid 2S and East bid 2NT. West was quite happy to accept and 3NT became the final contract. North led the queen of clubs and declarer can count seven tricks, two clubs, two hearts, two spades and a diamond. Not unreasonably he took two diamond finesses for his contract but the defence was now able to establish five tricks - two clubs, two diamonds and the ace of spades. One down and a top.

Schtum is one of many Yiddish words which have come into English, with several alternative spellings. Another theory is that it is prison slang. The earliest citation of it in print in English is in Frank Norman’s book Bang to Rights: an account of prison life, 1958:

“I think it’s much better to keep shtoom.”

“You can always shtoomup if any screws are earholeing.”

Hoorah Henry by Foxymoron

The penalty of 1100 is sometimes known as a Henry after the seizure of the throne by Henry I in 1100. The above depicts Henry holding the Church of Reading Abbey in a miniature by Matthew Paris, c.1253. I was reminded of Henry on a hand this week from the Woodberry:

I know for sure that at least one West overcalled one of Two Diamonds, Three Diamonds or Four Diamonds. I think the middle one is "just right", as Goldilocks would say. Four Diamonds is too much and can be taken for 1100. At the table where this occurred, North-South were playing penalty doubles at the Four level and North had no difficulty applying the axe. He was too polite to call Hoorah when the hand was over, but West was really the Hoorah Henry (or Henrietta). Perhaps Damon Runyon was thinking of such bids when he wrote, in 1936, "He is without doubt strictly a Hoorah Henry, and he is generally figured as nothing but a lob as far as ever doing anything useful in this world is concerned." But bridge had not yet been invented and it is unclear why the name Henry was chosen. I guess it could have been Hoorah Harvey or Hoorah Harry.

At our table, we missed the chance to collect this penalty, as North did not pass over 4D and chose to double. South bid 4H which ended the auction. The top spot is 3NT which will normally make the same number of tricks, and North chose that when West bid only 3D.

To get a good score in either you need to make 12 tricks. There are various squeezes which can work, and much depends on whether both opponents guard spades or clubs. If West has only bid 3D, then you will probably play him to be 2-1-7-3 or 3-1-7-2 and will have to read the ending. Assume West leads a diamond, you run it round and now draw trumps and then duck a round of spades. They play a second round and you win with the ace and now cash the ace of diamonds throwing a club, come to hand with the king of clubs and run the remaining hearts. On the layout, East gets squeezed in the black suits. If West is also guarding clubs, he will be squeezed out of that guard by the threat of the jack of diamonds in dummy. Playing for clubs 3-3 is an alternative line, but that is putting all your eggs in one basket.

And I nearly forgot. F. Scott Fitzgerald was named after Francis Scott Keys, the composer of the Star Spangled Banner, so that tells you what the F stands for.

Rose-Coloured Glasses by Foxymoron

The above expression first appeared in Thomas Hughes' novel Tom Brown at Oxford in 1859, and was also used more recently in F. Scott Fitzgerald's The Great Gatsby and in John Lennon's song Imagine. As my father-in-law points out, the phrase also featured in Jacques Offenbach’s Opera The Tales of Hoffmann. It indicates an unduly optimistic outlook, and Nigel Freake and your author exhibited that trait when overreaching to Four Spades on the hand below.

After 1NT by South, 12-14, and a transfer of 2H by North, East came in quite soundly with Three Clubs. South tried to show where his values lay with 3H, promising four spades, but a maximum, which seems too pushy. North was also wearing his rose-coloured glasses and bid Four Spades. East began with two top clubs and West discarded a low diamond, clearly showing at least the king, when playing reverse attitude. However, East did not know whether a third club was needed, and continued with the queen of clubs, If West had JTx of spades, for example, it would promote a trump trick. Declarer ruffed with the queen and West overruffed, but that was the end of the defence as declarer now had five spades, four hearts and the ace of diamonds. 

A more testing defence would be to discard on the third club, but declarer can still make. If West discards a heart, declarer can play on trumps finessing the eight on the second round if necessary and can then overtake the second heart. On a diamond discard, declarer plays a spade to the eight and then knocks out the ace of spades. He can later play all the trumps and squeeze West in the red suits. But a more challenging defence.

Clearly a diamond switch at trick three would have beaten the contract fairly easily but did you see how West could have protected his partner? If West had ruffed the SECOND club and led the king of diamonds, declarer would have had no recourse as there would clearly be four losers.

And a final poser. What does the F stand for in F. Scott Fitzgerald?  And what was his full name and who was he named after?

The Big Slick by Foxymoron

The Big Slick is an expression that I am only aware of in Poker, for ace, king (ideally in the same suit) as two hole cards. It is a very powerful hand and was named after the Santa Barbara disastrous oil slick of 1969, but its origin may go back to Roman times. It was very kind this week to Michael Mizrachi who won the first prize of $10,000,000 in the WSPOP final table persuading a fold with JJ and getting lucky against KK, by hitting an ace on the river, when he was a 30-70 dog.

He is a distant relative of the outspoken Haredi Rabbi Yosef Mizrachi and he is a fine backgammon player, who I met in Las Vegas. in Atlanta, Youtube showed four hours of the final table, free, and it was most enjoyable. 

https://twitter.com/i/status/1945268686539121105 gives the crucial hand.

A hand at the Woodberry this week reminded me of the importance of the big slick in the trump suit and why Keycard Blackwood was invented to diagnose that you had the king of trumps as well as the four aces.

Two pairs reached the grand slam here, and they knew what they were doing although they followed different routes.

Tony Mutukisna, playing with Nigel Freake, decided to open 1H in case he lost the hearts if he opened 1C. This worked well and the auction, uncontested, was 1H-1S-2C-2D*-3C-4NT(RKCB)-5D-7C. 2D was fourth-suit, game forcing. East knows that West has at least 5-5 in the round suits and went "all in" on being able to find the queen of clubs if necessary. 

Matthew Hendrickson and Ed Sanders bid 1C-1D-1H-2S(FSF)-3H-4NT-5S (2 with, for hearts)-7C. This time East knows that West is 5-6 as he opened 1C, so 7C will only require clubs to break 2-1, a 78% chance. A slightly better auction but no style marks and a joint top.

It is churlish to question whether the top spot of 7NT might have been reached. A possible auction, if uncontested, is 1C-1D-1H-1S(4SF)-2H-(5-6)-4C(minorwood)

-4H(1)-6S.  This says we can make 7C, but what do you think about 7NT? West with a source of tricks in hearts can bid 7NT. But all pie-in-the-sky.

This phrase appeared first in 1911 in Hill’s The Preacher and the Slave, which
parodied the Salvation Army hymn In the Sweet Bye and Bye:

From the day of your birth it’s bread and water here on earth
To a child of life to a child of life 

But there’ll be pie in the sky by and by when I die and it’ll be alright it’ll be alright 

There’ll be pie in the sky by and by when I die and it’ll be alright it’ll be alright

Short and Sweet by Foxymoron

The first known use of the expression 'short and sweet' was in Richard Taverner's Proverbs and Adages in 1539 and it appeared in Shakespeare's As You Like It.  When we play in the fourth Tuesday competition at the Woodberry, we should try to avoid long auctions, as the partnerships are irregular. "Better short and sweet than long and lax", wrote James Kelly in Scottish Proverbs.

Maybe I took this advice a bit too far this week when I selected the final contract at my first turn to call, but I landed on my feet:

My partner, the retired maths teacher Roly Harris, opened 1D and West overcalled 3H. I teased the gathering in the pub that I had now bid 5H, exclusion Blackwood, on the North hand, and they believed me. I would not risk that on a fourth Tuesday, however, and I made a practical choice of Six Spades. Partner rates to have at least one spade, and you will probably lose a spade. If there is a diamond loser then 7D won't make either. My partner passed, as you might expect, and I was pleased to see that nobody bid the Grand Slam in diamonds.

5H was probably the right bid. It asks partner to show how many key cards he has outside hearts. And one can play 3041 or 4130 over this by agreement. Of course, if you have agreed which with an irregular partner on a fourth Tuesday you will be told to "get a life".  And if East bids 6H or doubles, then you need to have an agreement. DOPI and ROPI are standard, so that double shows no key cards, pass shows 1, and South would bid 6NT over 6H on his actual hand, showing two plus the queen of trumps, giving North an easy 7D. 

I was quite happy with my 19/20 for selecting the final contract of 6S, and the opponents were gnashing and wailing when the trumps were 3-3.

Oh, and my cat Ebony informs me that "landed on one's feet" refers to the ability of cats to do so when jumping from a height.

Thick and Thin by Foxymoron

The phrase (through) "thick and thin" comes from Old English, and was originally "through thicket and thin wood", meaning to cope with difficulties and to enjoy easier periods. The earliest known reference is from Chaucer's The Reeve's Tale

And whan the hors was laus, he gynneth gon

Toward the fen, ther wilde mares renne,

And forth with “wehee,” thurgh thikke and thurgh thenne.

In some usage, thick and thin are antonyms. But not in bridge. Thick in bridge is not a compliment, and indicates that you have done something stupid. As in Henry IV, Part 2:

Hang him baboon, his wit’s as thicke as Tewksbury mustard.

I was certainly thick, and felt like a baboon, in last week's duplicate when I only made seven tricks on the following hand in 1NT as North:

East led a normal spade, and West played the king, and I played the jack, the card I was planning to play on the next round ... Not really a mispull, just thick. Now the defence cashed five rounds of spades, and could have beaten me two tricks if they had switched to a club, but +90 was hardly any match points anyway.

Thin in bridge is not the opposite of thick, but refers to a contract, usually slam or game, that has a very low chance of success. Such was the case with the following hand.

We bid 1H-(2C)-3C*-(4C)-6H-All Pass. Three Clubs was a good raise. My partner was a bit unlucky that my ace of clubs was of no value and that there was a trump loser. But was there? West led the ace of diamonds, and another diamond. South won and now effectively gave up by cashing the ace of hearts. However, as the chess grandmaster Savielly Tartakower said, "No game is won by resigning".  A singleton king of trumps is about as much use as a chocolate teapot, an expression which appears to be mid-20th century.

Declarer should have crossed to dummy with a spade, and run the queen of hearts. East can cover, but you cross again in spades and run the eight of hearts to bring home your thin slam. This was the only chance and mirabile dictu it would have worked.

How thin is the slam? Quite easy to calculate as the chance of East having three hearts and West one is about 25%, and you need a singleton jack with West, which occurs one quarter of that time. So, about 6.25%. How thick was my partner? I will leave you to judge!

Quincunx by Foxymoron

Quincunx is not just a high-scoring word in Scrabble or similar word games. It is also another name for the Galton Board, which illustrates both the binomial distribution and the normal distribution and allows one to understand the distribution of cards in bridge as they "fall from the sky". The illustration below is from the science museum in Oregon:

Balls drop from the top of the machine and, at each peg that they hit, they randomly go right or left and settle at the bottom in a bell-shaped curve. This is similar (but not the same) as the dealer from above in bridge, who has to allocate each of the 26 missing cards to one of the two opponents. The difference is that there is a constraint that each person should get 13. I say "should" in that 12 or 14 sometimes occur at the Woodberry!

 "What are the chances of 7NT making on the hand below?" asked my partner this week. My first guess was much lower than it should have been:

We bid sensibly, uncontested, 1H-2NT (Jacoby)-3H (extras)-4NT (RKCB)-5S (2+Q)-5NT (please cue kings)-6C (king of clubs or both pointed kings)-7H. Only half the field bid the grand, so bidding 7NT would have been both wrong and greedy. There are slim chances of ♦JT9 or ♣QJ but essentially it needs the queen and jack of clubs to be with the diamond guard, or one opponent to be 4-5 in the minors or longer. Once you give one of the opponents 4 or more diamonds, the Galton pegs will tend to send the queen or jack of clubs to his partner more often than not, so the chances of success will be less than 25%, although the extra chance of any five clubs will make it close to that. 

Some software I have, called Bridge Analyser, quickly played 1000 hands with the NS cards and found that 7NT made 25.5% of the time, so the chances that the same player is 4-5 or longer in the minors compensates for the fact that the person with four or more diamonds is less likely to have both the queen and jack of clubs.

VIRKs by Foxymoron

Bridge conventions are only of use if you are both playing the same one.  It is good to have agreements in slam bidding and a surprisingly large percentage of the field in this week's EBED SIMs missed grand here:

The auction at the table of the Woodberry winners, Mike Bull and John Bernard, was 1D-1S-4C*-4NT-5H-5NT*-6D-7S-All Pass. 4C was a splinter and 4NT RKCB. Mike and John do not show voids in response to RKCB, so 5H was 2 without the queen. 6D showed the king of diamonds, but not the king of hearts. A good method is that 5NT asks for specific kings, and then you bid the one you have or the one you don't have when you have two! It was easy now to bid 7S.

How does one show a void in response to RKCB? Some play that 5NT is two key cards and a void. Others play that it is an odd number of key cards  and a void ... One can see wheels coming off now and the apple cart being upset, and indeed only a quarter of the field bid the grand. Both of these metaphors predate bridge and are from the earliest days of transportation.

A better method, when one side has splintered, is that a raise of the splinter is a VIRK, asking partner to include a void in that suit as a key card, but to respond normally with a singleton. Here, South just bids normally as 5C by North would have been the VIRK, and South knows North does not care if the splinter is a void or not.

The Tyger by Foxymoron

A hand last night at the Woodberry reminded me of a poem by Blake. The following illustration is in the British Museum:

Tyger Tyger, burning bright,
In the forests of the night;

What immortal hand or eye,

Could frame thy fearful symmetry?

It was the symmetry of the two plausible plays on the following hand that caught my eye:

Our auction was (Pass)-1D-(2C)-2D-(3C)-3D-All Pass. West led two top clubs and switched to a spade. Now there are two symmetrical lines as you can only afford one trump loser as you can never avoid a heart loser. The first is to win in dummy, and lead a low diamond to the jack. The second is to win in South and lead the jack of diamonds. The former works when East has a doubleton honour, the latter when West has a doubleton honour. Both are just under 24%, but only one of these is given in the Dictionary of Suit Combinations. My future title Complete Card Combinations remedies that.

My partner unluckily chose the latter line, getting below average. It is the right line at matchpoints as it only goes one off when East has D KQ9x. On this occasion, running the jack was the winning line, which makes the contract whether or not West covers.

Grand Scheme by Foxymoron

Nobody bid a grand on the following hand and there is a lot of work to do to make 13 tricks. Four pairs reached the good 6S and three of them made it. I think the unlucky declarer, Jeremy Schryber, played the right line and he failed on the actual layout:

The auction at our table was, uncontested, 1S-4C*-4D=4H-4NT-5D-6S. 4C was a splinter agreeing spades and two cue bids and RKCB led to slam. South led the queen of hearts, as West had not shown a heart suit, and had just cued hearts. Declarer won in dummy, and, very sensibly but fatally, played to ruff two clubs in dummy. He played a club to the ace, ruffed a club, played a diamond to the ace and ruffed a club. North overruffed and played a diamond and now declarer was two off as South could overtake and play another club.

In 7S, I think you have to play to set up the hearts, ruffing the second heart low and the third heart high. There is a big danger of losing a trump then, but with trumps 2-2 you will set up the hearts and can draw trumps and enjoy the hearts. In 6S, this line makes an overtrick, but it is also the only making line. After playing a club at trick two, declarer can no longer make. But this is only because the clubs are 6-2. Swap the minor suit deuces, and Jeremy would have made. Swap the black sevens instead and 7S cannot make and the only winning line now is to play three rounds of hearts, ruffing low in East, getting overruffed but still making the contract.

I think, in the grand scheme, one should choose the line that is most likely to make the contract, and that depends on whether you are in a small slam or a grand slam. The origin of "grand scheme" seems to be early 18th century about introducing social reform, although it appears in writings by Shakespearean commentators:  "Emilia refuses to stop talking and continues to reveal more information about the grand scheme to take Othello down."

Just a MInute by Foxymoron

The radio programme Just a Minute is a panel game which has been running for nearly 60 years, and was hosted by Nicolas Parsons for most of that time. The object of the game is for panelists to talk for sixty seconds on a given subject, "without hesitation, repetition or deviation". Our table would have breached the rules of that game more than once in a hand this week:

As dealer I had a choice between a conservative 3S and an aggressive 4S. My fellow Welsh International Richard Plackett would have chosen the latter, and he may be right, as he has just won the British Isles Trophy to add to his seasonal collection over the last year.

North might have raised to 4S but decided to pass and East had an awkward bid. There was a bit of a hesitation and after a while he decided to bid 3H, which was a deviation, from the rules of the game, in that spades rank above hearts.

The director was called and advised South of his rights. If he did not accept the bid of 3H, then East would have to make it sufficient, and if the sufficient bid was not a comparable call, his partner would be silenced. East was not allowed to substitute double.

I decided that repetition was the best choice for South, and accepted the 3H bid, and rebid 3S. We had no agreement, of course, but I thought that this would show a good pre-empt and short hearts. North elected to pass again and East now decided to double for takeout. He has already shown his hearts, as the 3H bid is now treated as legal, so he does not need to bid them again. West bid 4C, and all passed. I think North might have ventured Four Spades at one of his three turns to call, but he was quite happy with the repetition of his Pass.

So the full auction was 3S-Pass-Pass-3H-3S-Pass-Pass-Double-Pass-4C-All Pass

We defended it well, North cashing the ace of spades on which South played the three, suit-preference for diamonds. If South had a heart void, then he would should play the ten of spades, suit preference for hearts. Normally the king is just used to show the queen in this position but some would play that it is suit preference - the highest card South can afford. North switched to the queen of diamonds and the defence took three tricks in that suit, but this was below average for NS who can make 11 tricks in spades, and they should have at least got to game!

In the US, you are not allowed agreements subsequent to the opponents' insufficient bids, but in the UK you are. So I suggest:

After 3S-(Pass)-Pass-(3H) I suggest you play:

a) Pass - happy to defend 4H. No desire to go to 4S but happy for partner to go back to 3S

b) Double - takeout with extra shape. Possibly 7-1-(4 1)

c) 3S - good pre-empt, short hearts, happy for partner to raise.

d) 3NT - solid spades and nothing outside. Maybe AKQJxxx xx xx xx

e) Not accepting the insufficient bid which is corrected to 4H. Now

e1) Pass - does not want partner to bid 4S. 

e2) Double - action. Partner passes or bids 4S

e3) 4S - walking the dog. What you should have opened all along. Best to have a short hesitation before the bid, with a feigned expression of discomfort.

Of course only Charlie the Chimp (a Doctor of Deviation)  knows how to get the best from this situation. 

Felo de Se by Foxymoron

When there was a death by suicide in the middle ages, it was classed as a felo de se, and the assumption was that it must have been a mental illness. The Interments (felo de se) Act 1882 allowed any person committing "criminal suicide" to be buried at any hour with the usual rites and removed some of the stigma from the suicide. Previously he or she had to be buried "silently" between 9 pm and midnight.

In bridge, the phrase was used by Victor Mollo in his menagerie series, for a suicide squeeze, in which one of the defenders cashes winners and squeezes his partner. The Hideous Hog always took great pleasure in forcing Papa and his partner to conduct a suicide squeeze. Such was the case on a hand at the Woodberry this week. In a slightly different way:

After the uncontested auction 1NT-2C-2D-3NT, East quite naturally led a fourth-best diamond. Declarer, Mike Bull, tried the jack from dummy, and ducked West's queen, but then won the second round with the ace, East playing the two. There are two possible lines. One is to play for spades 3-3 which will give 9 tricks, but it probably won't cost to cross to dummy with a spade and exit with a third round of diamonds. East wins, and can cash two more rounds of diamonds, on which West can pitch a heart and a spade, but then two more rounds of spades by declarer squeezes West in the rounded suits. Alternatively, East can switch to a spade without cashing the last diamond, but declarer can now make by cashing three rounds of spades, forcing a heart or club discard from West, and then setting up the long heart or club.

What is the best line? I think against most players you cash two rounds of spades, ending in South. Often one or both of the defenders will give count, and you can plan your play accordingly. But it will only be wrong to exit with a diamond if they are 6-2.

Walking the Dog by Foxymoron

The expression "walking the dog" in bridge refers to the tactic of bidding less than a hand is worth but then adding one level each time the bidding comes round again. The hope is that the opponents will eventually double. The meaning "to trick the opponent" possibly comes from Gershwin's 1937 song Walking the Dog in the film Shall We Dance. Alternatively the words of Walking the Dog, the 1963 song by Rufus Thomas, could have created the meaning of deception.

Urban slang uses "walking the dog" as committing adultery, another deception, and it has also become used to mean visiting the bathroom. The Americans are fond of euphemisms and "going to see a man about a dog" is another of their contorted phrases for going to the bathroom. The song Walking the Dog is very American:

I asked her mother for fifteen cents

See the elephant jump the fence

He jumped so high, he touched the skies

Never got back till the fourth of July

Steve Coulter attempted to walk the dog on Tuesday, and he ended with a good result, but his opponents might have done better:

North opened a weak 2S and South decided to "go slowly" and passed. West bid 3D as 4D would have shown 5-5 in the red suits and 5D ruled out playing other contracts. East bid 3H and South again walked the dog with 3S. West now showed his heart support with 4H which went round to South who finally bid 4S.  West smelled a rat and bid 5D. This expression seems to come from English poet John Skelton's 1540 poem "The Image of Ipocrysy": 

But then beware the catte; For yf they smell a ratt, 

They grisely chide and chatt

5D should have ended the auction. If West had wanted to offer a "choice of red-suit saves", he would have bid 4NT but East "corrected" (or should that be "wronged") to 5H anyway. So the full auction was:

                       North        East        South        West

                        2S            Pass        Pass           3D

                        Pass         3H           3S             4H

                        Pass         Pass         4S             5D

                        Pass         5H           All Pass

South led his singleton diamond and declarer won with the ace and played a top heart. South ducked this, and North won to give his partner a diamond ruff for one off. Remarkably, eschewing the diamond ruff and playing a spade instead would have beaten the contract by two, but this was very hard to find and could have been completely wrong.

5D would probably have made. North needs to lead the king of hearts, in a suit bid and supported by the opponents, to beat this. Frequently found online during Covid in the days of self-kibitzing, but not since ... As it was, 5H-1 was still worth 68% to North-South. The results this week were skewed with five pairs above 60% but no pair below 40%. It was good to see 13 tables as well.

Math by Foxymoron

The Americans correctly shorten mathematics to "math", whereas the Brits and Australians use "maths". We are wrong of course as it is a collective noun, like sugar. We ask "How many sugars?" as short for "how many teaspoons of sugar?" but we would never ask at a supermarket "Where are the sugars, please?"

I have been asked how important math(s) is in bridge. Quite a bit, and discussions of the right percentage line is a common feature of bridge magazines. There is a book on Card Combinations, which shows the percentage chance of making x tricks with a particular suit holding. Most of the time, however, the whole hand comes into play as in a hand at the Woodberry last week.

Most played Four Hearts by East and only one made 11 tricks. The bidding always began 1H-(Pass) and now West will probably bid 2NT, a game-forcing heart raise, or a splinter of 4C, also showing four-card heart support. North-South should sacrifice in 5C but none did. Two were even allowed to play the hand in 4C, which made on the nose. This expression might well have originated in the early days of radio broadcasting. The presenter putting his forefinger "on the nose" indicated that the broadcast was running on time. I certainly would not broadcast that I had given in to 4C here, and the decision comes for EW over 5C.

If East goes on to 5H, there is a chance for South to shine. It may be necessary to keep the lead, and the king of clubs does so. Then the defence might well find the diamond shift needed to break the contract.  However, a small club is a more likely lead, and North can do little other than play one back, which is ruffed in dummy. Two rounds draw all the trumps. How should East play?

I think the percentage line is to run the ten of spades. North wins and cannot do other than play a third club, ruffed in dummy while East pitches a diamond. Now declarer could return to hand and take a second spade finesse. This is about a 75% line, winning whenever South has one of the spade honours. However, declarer can do better. Laying down the ace of spades is the right line. If both opponents follow you ruff a spade and if someone still has the king, you then take the diamond finesse. 

The math of the right line is as follows (ignoring the fact that North has two hearts to South's one or that North may have longer clubs).

a) if South has the jack of spades: 50%.

b) if the spades are 3-3 or the king is doubleton. This is all the 3-3 breaks, 36%, plus 12% for a doubleton king, a total of 48%. This only applies when North has the jack of spades, so adds 24% to our success rate.

c) Finally if North has the jack of spades and the spades are 4-2 with the king in the long hand, then you take the diamond finesse. This allows you to make an additional (100-50%-24%) x 50% of the time. This adds 13% to the chance of success, elevating it to 87%.

Some of these figures will be affected by available spaces calculations, another example of math in bridge hands. The king of diamonds is more likely to be in South, as is the king of spades, but if North showed strength that will tilt it the other way. But it is clear that the declarers in 4H misplayed the hand, unless they were unlucky enough to get the king of clubs lead and a diamond switch (or an unlikely initial diamond lead). Also one or two Welsh internationals misplayed the hand when given to them as a play problem.

Undercooked by Foxymoron

Bridge shares with other sport the use of the word "undercooked" in a figurative rather than a culinary sense. From a cricket report many years ago: "An undercooked pitch made stroke play easy yet seldom did wickets tumble." Not properly developed is the metaphorical meaning and this was the case with our auction this week.

The North hand is far too good for 2NT, weighing in at 23.6 on the K-R evaluation tool. We bid 2C-2D-2NT which we play as 23-24 balanced. Now Graham Horscroft raised to 4NT. From his point of view we could be missing two aces, but the five-card suit might tilt him towards just bidding slam. However, his K-R is 8.7 so I think his judgement is correct. And now the focus was on North. I think I should upgrade again and bid 6NT but I had already added two points and decided to pass. Together we had undercooked the hand.

6NT is a great contract. If the diamonds are 3-2, you have 12 top tricks and thirteen if they don't lead a spade. And when they don't break you can lead towards the king of spades for your twelfth trick. You can, in theory, also pick up the diamonds if you finesse on the second round, but you should not. A cunning West might have dropped the jack from JTx when you get egg on your face. This phrase apparently arises from the 19th century theatre when sub-par actors were sometimes pelted with eggs. Our auction was certainly sub-par.

Double Fit by Foxymoron

The wildest hands usually occur when both sides have a double fit. It will usually be right to bid one more, but one has to be careful at matchpoints that one does not take this too far. On the following hand, from the most recent game, the top spot was achieved by those that went to the six level:

Six declarers played in doubled contracts, and the top score for EW was when the declarer was allowed to make 6Hx for +1660. This can be defeated by an initial lead of a spade from North or the ace of spades from South, but that is not easy to find. I was pleased to see the score of 1660, a "Restoration" after the return of Charles II in that year. John Wilmot, Earl of Rochester, wrote of him:

Restless he rolls from whore to whore
A merry monarch, scandalous and poor

I don't think merriness was the cause of these big swings. More misjudgement. With a double fit, each side should be bidding one more and 7Dx-3 by NS is par.  EW have a double fit in the majors and NS in the minors. One or two NS pairs bought the contract at the six level in a minor, and EW have to find the diamond ruff or club ruff to get even 500 from this. 200 was the common result.

It is interesting to apply the "Law of Total Tricks" to this hand. That says that the total number of tricks for EW and NS in their longest suits should be 11+11 which is 22. Indeed EW can make 12 but only in spades and NS can make 10 by North in either minor. It is a good approximation but is often one out, particularly if the defence can take a ruff.

Some members had the following puzzle on a Xmas card (and also on Facebook):

I know many solved it. You need to find East with SK HT987 D9876 C9876. Precisely. Win the ace of spades, dropping the king, and cash the queen of spades. East is squeezed in three suits and gets squeezed again in the suit which he unguards.

Let us hope there are more double fits when the club reopens on 7th January.